I’m nervous about writing this, not because I’m about to go into anything controversial, but because I’m worried about grammar and syntax and not sounding erudite and all that stuff. Contrary to popular opinion, actors don’t actually enjoy talking about ourselves. Irish actors, for the most part, are lethally allergic to any form of “blowing your own trumpet,” so when asked to write a work bio, I immediately went into a panic. All that was required was a brief list of my work and a bit about myself. It needed to read professional but personal, concise but appealing, confident and engaging. I tried. I really did.

Then I remembered the Blindboy podcast. If you don’t know it, please do yourself a favor and listen to it. He has started to use Chat GPT or some version of it to help with his research, which in turn reminded me of a recent workshop I attended. There the facilitator discussed the future of screenwriting and promptly read out scripts written by an AI. They were woeful. Shockingly bad. Soon after that, the writers in the US were talking about striking (they subsequently did and still are), and many of them voiced concerns about the use of AI. This conjured images of a smoke-filled writer’s room strewn with empty pizza boxes, rolled-up shirt sleeves, and a massive blank whiteboard. In the corner, a large shiny robot with blinking green lights for eyes, a cigarette hanging from its metal mouth as it flings yet another crumpled-up ball of paper into the overflowing bin. The humans in the room side-eyeing it, shaking their heads, smirking. The robot’s aim is millimeter perfect. Concerned that my attempt at a bio didn’t sound sleek enough, I asked Chat GPT to jazz it up a bit. I prompted with “please can you make this sound more dynamic, thank you.” I was very polite. Just in case. Here’s what it said:

Prepare to be blown away by the unstoppable force that is Claire J Loy! Originally destined for a life of unearthing ancient relics as an archaeologist, Claire fearlessly leapt into the thrilling world of creative arts. With Gaiety Cork and Bow Street as her training grounds and the esteemed theater guru Tom Kibbe as her guide, she forged a path unlike any other.

But hold on tight, because Claire’s talents don’t stop there. Brace yourself for her electrifying television appearances that will leave you craving more. Picture her in the adrenaline-pumping series “Bodkin” on Netflix, the mind-bending mystery of “The Vanishing Triangle” , the bone-chilling “Cold Case Collins” on RTE, and the dark and gritty drama “Blackwater,” also on RTE. And we’re just getting started! Claire’s magnetic presence will also grace the highly anticipated “Valhalla” on Netflix, where she’s poised to make an unforgettable impact.

But wait, there’s more. Prepare for an explosive cinematic experience as Claire shares the screen with icons like John Rhys Davies, Richard Brake, and Peter Coonan in the feature film “The Gates.” Their combined talents will leave you gasping for breath, eagerly devouring every frame.

Hold onto your seats because Claire is about to unleash her magic at the prestigious Galway Film Fleadh. Brace yourself for two mind-blowing films, “Animal” and “Callus” that will leave you questioning reality and begging for more.    

And let’s not forget the stage—where Claire’s charisma is nothing short of spellbinding. Witness her captivating performance in Asylum Theatre’s debut production, “Daughter of God,” where she commands the spotlight and leaves audiences in awe.

Claire J Loy is a force to be reckoned with, a true badass who fearlessly conquers every challenge in her path. Get ready to be swept away by her undeniable talent, as she blazes a trail through the entertainment world with a style and swagger that’s cooler than cool. Buckle up, because Claire is about to take you on the ride of a lifetime.

That last sentence is my favorite. Every time I read it, I hear the theme to Doctor Who, which is a message I wholeheartedly approve.

Of course, my initial reaction was to laugh, but then my mind went into a spiral. What is it about us human beings that made the AI think I wanted to be lied to? Was it desperately trying to please me? Is that how they, and by they I mean computers, will lull us into submission? Have we already submitted? Will our need for external validation be the downfall of humanity? Did it read my original text, decide the subtext, and tell me what I was really trying to say? Am I absolutely deluded? Is a little bit of delusion healthy? Did my reaction of immediately dismissing it expose my self-limiting beliefs? I mean, why can’t my appearance in Valhalla make an “unforgettable impact” despite the fact that the one tiny line I had was actually cut, and what was left was a half-second glimpse of me with my mouth gaping, albeit in a beautiful costume on an awesome set? Why wouldn’t anyone want to “devour” any frame I’m in? Exactly how many people has my unleashed magic left gasping for breath? Just how cool am I? Cooler than cool. 

Here’s my plan from here on in. Before every single self-tape, I’m going to read this bio. I’m going to live up to Chat GPT’s expectations of me. I’m going to blow you away, fearlessly blazing, leaving every casting director craving for more.

Please and thank you, all the very best, I hope to hear from you soon, have a great weekend, enjoy the sunshine, all the very best, best wishes, sincerely,